I'm drowning in a sea of work at the moment. I go straight from the end of classes to AP review on Tuesdays and Thursdays, get out at 4, then to SAT review class from 6-9 and eating has to be done somewhere in there. The only 'art' I'm getting done right now is geometric doodles, flowers, and block letters on my notebooks and review books. That and a bit of doodling poetry in the margins, but none of that gets posted. I am just completely overwhelmed by all this STUFF I have to do, finishing up my year-long author study, studying, blah, blah, blah. And yet I still find time to write journals on dA. Ah, priorities. I figure I have this place to rant and complain, I'm going to use it.

BUT on a lighter note, I'm feeling my life picking up speed now and as scary as that is, I'm excited and feel there's going to be something good ahead. Feeling comfortable with being uncomfortable is something I'm trying to get good at. And this whole transition is certainly teaching me. This summer I will be around and about, no place to go except some day hikes around with cool people, hanging around with cool people, visiting colleges, and finding a job. So maybe that will facilitate some better stuff up here? I do have a couple things done that I have yet to put up- a couple drawings and photos. But that'll happen later.
Peace.

If you're in the United States and over 18, vote! Everyone says it's your right and it is. It is one of our most cherished rights. However, it is also a responsibility. You, as a citizen of a democratic republic, have the responsibility of being an informed voter. You have the responsibility of voting so that the person elected for the job actually reflects the nation's views! Isn't that what a democracy is all about?
So do it. Vote. If you don't, you have no right to gripe about who got the job. It was your responsibility. You shirked your duties. You lose.
Me, I support Obama, and I'd love to sit here and convince you to vote for him but I can't. You've probably already made your decision and the advice of a random deviant is not going to change your mind. I can remind you to vote though. Vote for who you think is best for the job, whoever that is, just be informed on where he stands, what he has done, and what he says he will do.
One last plea, I promise. If you live in California, barring a massive earthquake shaking Cali off the map, all of California's electoral votes will be going to Obama. Don't stay home though. Coming from a lesbian, you have no idea how important it is that you vote down Proposition 8. If you vote for no one, vote for those that were given incredible hope by California's decision to reverse the ban on gay marriage but cannot vote to support it. Vote for that couple that just got married and is so happy their state accepts them for who they are. Vote for that child that can now say their parents are just as married as anyone else's. Vote not to put discrimination in the constitution. Vote it down. You're California. You were the first state to allow interracial marriage. Do us proud.

So people, vote!

That was interesting. My summer is over and I feel like it hasn't started yet. I do have a few pictures- mostly from my camp actually- that I want to post but I haven't gotten to them yet. I'm looking at my gallery realizing I haven't submitted any drawings recently. I'll have to do that at some...point...maybe...I don't really know.

Further to the front of my mind is the fact that my camp will be closing next year and we fear in 2010 as well. The council has decided not to open it next year due to financial problems. We're not sure if they think the camp being closed a year will save them money or if they plan on selling the land which is worth a very large amount of money. Either way, a lot of us, mostly staff and older campers, are rallying together to try and reopen it. We're planning on writing letters, maybe raising some money if it will help any, talking to local officials. If anyone has any other ideas, I'm all ears. That place is my second home.

Anywho, that's all. I just couldn't stand having that journal up. Seemed weird.

WHOA I wasn't expecting that. At first I thought I was scrolled down to far because I saw the message bar at the top of the screen so I'm sitting there scrolling on my mouse like "Did the computer freeze?" and then I noticed the logo below the message bar and only then did I get it. I'm not sure if I like the new layout or not. I certainly like the message center but we shall see whether I like the rest. Me and change don't get along so well so it's probably just my brain trying to resist. I'll get used to it and then I'll love it and then they'll change it and then I'll hate it, etc, etc, etc.
In other news, I'm heading off to camp this weekend then to Spain on the 26th. I'll be back for maybe two days in between. In Barcalona I'll have internet. Camp, definitely not. So I won't be on here. I'll probably end up declaring deviation bankruptcy (EG I won't look at any of my deviant watches or journals which I try to do). But we'll see. I can't wait for camp or Spain. It shall be interesting. Off to life then.

I feel I need to tell this story now. I've been sitting here, listening to Sarah McLachlan whose music always strikes at my heart. As Angel came on, the one song that can almost always make me cry, I'm glancing around the room and my eyes fall on my grandpa's hat. I still can't picture his face or anything about him without starting to cry. I've been trying to let go for 4 years and despite my best efforts, I still haven't been able to. He died when he was 86- a ripe old age, especially since he chain smoked. I hated how that whole house smelled like smoke but I miss it now.
He died in a November- one of the reasons I count my years in Novembers, not by my birthday or by the new year or anything. It's weird but I have my reasons. But I'm getting ahead of myself. To tell the story fully, I need to start with how he lived. Maybe then you can understand a little better.
My grandfather loved baseball. He was offered a place in major league baseball when he was younger but he turned it down and ended up in WWII in stead. He worked at Guadalcanal, fixing planes as they came down damaged. He stayed safe, though, for which I am always thankful for, and settled down with his wife and 7 children. He was the only one in the family that brought in money and that money was little as he worked in a factory. So they grew up with next to nothing.
He was always an amazing man though. In my family there are two things that are, I believe, half genetic- a bad temper and a love of others. My grandfather is the one that brought the second one (not to say that my grandma isn't an awesome lady). He was a staunch democrat, helped out anyone that needed it, and loved the enormous family that sprouted up around him. He also loved gardening which is the reason green beans taste like Western NY and didn't even stop it when he lost most of his eyesight to disease. I can still picture him sitting in his Buffalo Bills chair, eyes inches away from the TV. He even still did crossword puzzles in the morning. For the life of me, I can't remember how.
There are so many other things but I feel that I need to keep some memories as mine.
Eventually he ended up in the hospital again. I didn't think of it at the time. He had always pulled through.
Then one day he called my father and asked him to ask me to pray for him because I was a "good kid". That was the last time my dad spoke to him.
I tried, honest to God I tried but...I couldn't. I've never been raised religiously and I didn't even believe in God at the time but I felt I had to for him. I wanted to so bad. I wanted to help him. I tried my hardest but...he died a week later. And, contrary to all my beliefs and to all that I try to tell myself, I still blame myself. I wish I had tried harder. I know I shouldn't blame myself...but I do.
It hit the whole family hard and we've never been the same. He was the leader. He held us together. I miss him so much. I miss him every time I remember he's gone. I believe his spirit visits us from time to time and that's the one thing that gives me hope. I'm sure he doesn't blame me and I want to not blame me too. I think telling this story helps though.

(I can't change my mood for some reason but it's certainly not rant)